A Night to Remember

Wario stalked around the tall fence of the property. No traps or alarms as far as he knew. Gingerly, he pushed at the gate. It swung open, much to his surprise. That's wierd. Or maybe he's one step ahead, he thought.
He walked up the path, throwing meaty kibbles to the snapping piranha plant which lined the path. He tried the door. It was unlocked. What kind of ploy is this? Does he know what I've got planned? Wario was almost worried.
Right, let's get on with it.

He crept up the stairs, spotted the door to the master bedroom and kicked it open, whipping the waterpistol over his shoulder and disgorging 2 liters of curdled milk all over Waluigi's bed.

"Ha Ha Ha Ha! Got you LOSER! Those double bluffs didn't work! He screeched triumphantly. But the smile dropped from his lips when he saw that one critical component to his practical joke was missing.

"Wah? WAH! DAMN it!!! Where are you?"

Wario seethed. But a flash of inspiration entered his jaundiced mind as he got out a permanent marker and wrote 'A PRESENT FROM LUIGI' on the discarded waterpistol. The stench was bad enough that it was getting even to his mighty constitution so he made a hasty exit.

Wario had no sooner got into his house when it dawned that he was supposed to be plotting his latest money making scheme with Waluigi. But of course he wasn't there. Wario dialled his number.

"Waluigi? Where are you? There's that meeting we'd planned first thing!"

"Yeah, uh something came up last night. I'm not too far. I'll be back in a couple of hours."

"So where are you?"

"I'm at Rosalina's ....."

There was a silence which was exactly the length of someone's pause who wished they hadn't said it.
Wario sniggered. I KNEW it! That made up for this mornīng's failure.

With no further response, Wario hung up and made a call to the editorial staff at Glint! Magazine.

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"Um thanks for having me last night. I didn't know I was in trouble until I tried getting undressed. It took me three goes just to get my shoes off."

"You were in a bad way last night Waluigi. I'll have your clothes dry soon. Now, I'm making breakfast. Would you like poached eggs on toast?"

Waluigi sat at the table. The coveralls he was wearing were a little tight round the shoulders and hips. He couldn't remember a time whenever anyone had cooked him breakfast. He looked at the clock.

"Damn it! I'm supposed to be at a meeting in two hours!"

"How far away is it?"

"If the traffic isn't too bad maybe one hour."

"Right. We can have breakfast but I've not sure your clothes will be dry in time."

"Damn! Oh no! Thanks for letting me stay. And thanks for breakfast. It's just my car's some distance away."

Waluigi bolted his food, grabbed his clothes and hurried to his car, still wearing the coveralls Rosalina had leant him.

Waluigi pulled into the drive, having had the presence of mind to change into his normal clothes before setting off. So far, no-one was watching as far as he could tell and the journey had been uneventful. He threw kibbles to the piranha plants but they just twitched at him.
The stench of rotten milk hit him as soon as he opened the door to his house.

"Wario! What the hell! Is this some jerk-ass prank 'cause I said your latest moneymaking scheme sucked?!"

Pulling his shirt up over his nose he ascended the stairs to his bedroom. He opened up the door; the smell of rotten milk hit him like a physical force.

Damn! Screw you Wario! He looked at his ruined bed. No doubt it was meant to get him out of bed but he wasn't there. Then he saw the writing on the barrel of the water pistol. Gagging he grabbed it and ran downstaris than outside, taking lungfills of fresh air.

"A present from Luigi, eh? Screw you loser! I'll turn on those bugs I said I removed years ago. I'll give you a new reason to cry in the shower!" But the handwriting seemed too familiar...

"WARIO! I'LL KILL YOU!" Waluigi screamed. Naturally, Wario had gone to his office in Diamond City. Plenty of time to plot his revenge later.
This was a new low even for Wario but now he had nowhere to sleep as his bed was a complete write-off. He drop-kicked the water pistol over the fence and smiled with satisfaction as it clipped the side of Wario's prize car.
Petty vengance over for now, there was still the problem of where he would sleep. It had to be a bed right for his size or else the day after was a write-off. Dammit! It would be a week at least before he could get another one since they had to be custom built. His back twinged in response - it had only just recovered from soccer training at Thwomp Towers. So where else could he go until his room was cleaned? Not Wario's! Bleaurrgh! Besides he knew it was him that had done that prank, evrn with that lame-ass attempt to frame Luigi.
But what about Roaslina? Maybe he could borrow her mattress that she'd let him use when he stayed at hers? The drive would be a pain but at least he's be able to sleep it off.

He got out her card and started dialling, but hadn't even finished before he saw a pale blue car approach and disgorge a frustrated looking Rosalina heading straight towards him.

"WALUIGI! HAVE YOU BEEN SPREADING RUMOURS ABOUT SLEEPING WITH ME!"

Stunned by the torrent of invective, Waluigi dropped his phone.

"Uh no... I've only just got back...um what's up?"

"YOU KNOW WHAT'S UP!? LOOK!"

She thrust a magazine into Waluigi's hand. Staring at him, white with rage she watched as he glanced at the cover and moved to the double page spread. There were telephoto shots of him leaving the house, one still dressed in the jumpsuit.
"The Purple Pest's Walk of Shame" was the tagline on the front cover of Glint! Magazine, as Waluigi read it as a reflex.

"TO SPACE WITH YOUR WALK OF SHAME! What about mine?! Did you and Wario put me up to it! You must have phoned that damn rag as soon as you got here?!"

Waluigi swallowed hard. Better say something!

"I didn't do anything! I only just got back here! Wario's vandalized my house and I've got nowhere to go."

"SOMEONE 'phoned that rag and by Bowser's fire pits it wasn't me!"

Realization dawned like an icy flood.

"Wario. Wario rang and asked where i'd been 'cause I'd missed a ...business meeting. So I told him where I'd been."

Rosalina snatched back Glint! Pushing her face within touching distance of his she hissed.

"What where you THINKING!  You know better than others just what a thirst for gossip there is out there. You've no shortage of stories in this rag, even more than Luigi."

Waluigi felt that hot, shrinking feeling again, but this time had a touch of sadness to this feeling. What was it? Shame? Remorse? But this time it wasn't his fault. He stared at his shoes.

"Uh...I guess...um I guess that,...no I didn't think Wario would do that. But then I forgot he'd do anything for a quick buck. I'm....I...I...I'm...sorry."

There! He said it although it stuck in his throat like a garlic candy. Rosalina's look of cold fury seemed coloured by pity.

"You had better not be lying to me, Waluigi. I hate this stupid rag but Princess Peach advised that I need to check it out just to be aware about some of the rubbish that some here believe! Some of the stories about you make my hair curl but I have my doubts about how much IS lies!"

"I'm not, Rosalina really. Believe me! What do I need to do for you to believe me? I swear!"

"I don't know, Waluigi, you only know that. I don't think it's a good idea for is to see each other for a while. But If I see you doing anything mean to the Bros or Peach and Daisy, you are dead to me!"

She turned on her heel and went back to her car. All Waluigi could do was stand in the doorway and watch as the car receeded into the distance. This somehow felt worse than a punch to the groin. Rosalina was the only person it seemed who just wanted to get to know him without judging him and one stupid mistake he's screwed it. Much to his dismay he felt tears in his eyes.He glared at one of the cameras.

"I'll give YOU something to watch!" as he punched it, the pain from the shards of glass fixing his mind in the present. He knew what to do now. If he wasn't going to sleep tonight, then niether was Wario.